Common Issues with Dating a Widower
If you are thinking about getting involved with a widower then read this article for some helpful information on the subject.
Dating a widower can sometimes pose a big communication problem. They can be difficult as they are not open about their feelings about their departed wives. It is important that you understand what he is going through during the different stages of bereavement. You may have to deal repeatedly with no communication and mixed feelings of grief about the deceased wife, his relationship with you and other troubles he may be facing.
Mostly widowers as opposed to a widow get involved in a relationship soon after the partner’s departure. The new relationship becomes a part of their grieving and it is imperative you figure out whether they are truly prepared for a new relationship at all. This does not give them enough time to adequately grieve their loss and is a false note for the beginning of a relationship with you. Decide whether they are ready for a commitment so early or wait for his signal of the ending of the grieving period, taking forward the relationship before this would be detrimental.
The biggest mistake you may end up doing when dating a widower is that in the process of easing his pain, you may want to emulate his late wife. You are a unique person and you can definitely find other manners of sharing and lessening his pain. Subconsciously, he may draw a likeness to his deceased wife by commenting on your cooking or dressing sense. Make sure that you explain gently yet firmly your uniqueness and inability to emulate his late wife. He may not even know that he makes these remarks and such occasional lapses of remembrances of his previous wife must be acceptable to you. However, if it continues for long or is very often repeated, you may want to seek a counselor to keep the relationship healthy.
Children can pose an issue, especially if they have been entirely brought up by the mother. The widower is usually not sure of his parenting abilities and this insecurity needs to be dealt with delicately. Try not to get too involved too soon and do not offer unsolicited opinions. Wait for the children to reach out to you and make sure they know you are not here to replace their mother. Find other ways to deal with the burden and frustration of bringing up kids. Help your partner with household chores and cooking, so he can devote his time to the children until they cease to see you as a threat to them. Understanding and compassion when dating a widower is key and with some caution you can fit well into his family.