Surviving a Long Distance Relationship
Surviving The Distance
In the movie “The Butcher’s Wife”, Demi Moore explains that people were born complete; man and woman were attached together at their stomachs, and they have no need to look for that someone to make them whole. Which is why the gods got angry and split them apart, and that is why people have navels. It also explains the endless need to find the “other half” of your self, a concept to which even the philosopher Plato subscribes to. Though the story of you having a “split apart” is pure fiction, the need to find your perfect partner is oftentimes true. Luckily, you have found your “split apart”. Unluckily, the time has come again for you to part ways, physically.
Many relationships do not survive this kind of arrangement. There are many aspects of a healthy relationship that needs for people to be together to stay together. The issues of trust, intimacy, and needs all figure in, and sometimes it takes too much toll on you and your loved one.
Can You Trust Him?
Men, as a biological imperative, need to “sow their wild oats.” This isn’t saying that he will stray, but he does have the genetic urge. Being around him will more or less “remind” him that he has made a commitment to you to ignore these needs. The saying that goes “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true in some cases, but in some cases “out of sight, out of mind” is more applicable. He also has physical needs to fulfill, and the question that will arise is that will his love for you overcome his needs? On the flip side of the coin, YOU also have physical and emotional needs that need to be filled, and because of his absence, can he trust you?
Losing Your Connection
He will also be feeling a certain amount of disconnectedness from you, and this is the primary cause for unfaithfulness. It is rarely that the other woman is prettier than the current partner, or smarter, or richer. Almost all of time (92%), it was someone he can spend time with and have an emotional bond with, such as a co-worker or a close friend (this is also the reason why even if the relationship ISN’T long distance, men have affairs).
What A Touch Means
Physical contact isn’t just about satisfying your biological needs to have sex, it’s also an affirmation of all your emotions. Being able to hold your partner’s hand is tangible proof that he is real, and so are your feelings. Staying in constant communication through technological advances is as easy as picking up your cellphone, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that a two-hour phone call will never be anywhere near comparable to a single, soft kiss.
What Can You Do?
Aside from running your telephone bills sky high and sending novel-length letters, there are endless ways of keeping in touch with him from miles away: voice calls, sending videos, and video chats. But do not be fooled that this will ever be equal to what you had when you were physically together, so you have to make allowances for that for surviving a long distance relationship.
You can also fill in the gaps that have been left by your partner by going out with friends, or spending extra time at work, so you don’t have to feel lonely. Find a hobby or buy a dog, keep yourself occupied, and don’t feel guilty in having a life without him. Send him little cards or gifts for no reason other than that you felt like it will keep the spontaneity in your relationship - a sweet little reminder now and then to let him know that he is on your mind, just because.
When you do find the time to be together, make it special. Plan a nice dinner, or even an out of town getaway. This is the time to once again feel that physical contact that is mostly what you are doing without. Always keep in mind that this is only a temporary thing, and talk about future plans together when you are finally in one place with each other. While you’re at it, take steps toward making that future possible. Relationships are never easy, and distances make it harder. But if you and your partner commit with trust and love to make it work, it can and you will have mastered surviving a long distance relationship.