Relationship Arguments
Kiss and Make Up: Is Sex Good for Relationship Arguments?
Admit it. Relationship arguments are fun! How else will you enjoy the passionate kiss-and-make-up, roll-in-the-hay part if you did not have the equally passionate fight-till-love-is-dead, roll-with-the-punches part that preceded it? After all, glorious sex is an essential part of relationships! (And don’t you dare think that your parents and grandparents don’t have steamy sex after relationship arguments, no matter how weird you think it is. Even mainstream companies like Virgin Home Loans used geriatric sex to promote mortgages. Don’t ask.)
But just as using sex as a weapon (read: self-imposed celibacy that translates to forced celibacy on your faithful partner’s part) to keep your partner in line is a big no-no, so is using sex as a bandage (read: jumping into bed to forestall and forget relationship arguments) a big mistake. Your relationship problems will still be there regardless of the intensity and frequency of your sex life, which can and will fester if and when left unattended.
So, is sex good for relationship arguments? Not if you use it as a weapon and as a bandage!
Thus, you have to settle your relationship arguments without throwing the pleasures of sex into the equation. You have to discuss your problems, issues, concerns, feelings, and emotions on a rational level, of which these tips can help:
• Use positive words when discussing your problems. You will appreciate how positive attitudes help in faster resolution of relationship arguments, not to mention that you have avoided hurting each other with negative words.
• Employ “I” more often than “you” in your statements. This is because “you” statements in relationship arguments can cause the listener to adapt defensive attitudes as these statements often lay the blame and issue orders. Nobody likes being blamed and taking orders, not even your partner in life. For example, instead of saying “You don’t have sex with me often enough”, you can tell him “I feel hurt that we don’t have sex more often.”
• Avoid using universal words like “should”, “ought”, “never”, “always”, “must.” Your efforts to resolve relationship arguments will not be helped in any way when you issue orders, put the blame, remember bad things, and forget good things - all of which happen when you use these universal words.
• Be specific with your grounds for the relationship arguments. You will avoid dredging up and nagging about past mistakes, which is healthy for the growth of your relationship.
After you have attained satisfactory resolution to the relationship arguments, you can engage in the highly-anticipated kiss-and-make-up, roll-in-the-hay romp! And don’t let the sun go down on that one either.