Dealing With It
Dealing with Anger and Depression in a Relationship
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grief as Denial (this can’t be happening to me!), Anger (WHY?), Bargaining (I promise to --- if ----), Depression (I really don’t care anymore), and Acceptance (I’m ready to move forward). If, in your relationship, you are going through Anger and Depression, then you are definitely grieving, whether it is for you, your partner, or your relationship. Don’t let your emotions rule you into throwing everything away. Cooler heads always prevail.
Are You Angry?
Clenched fists or jaws, shaking, trembling, feeling hot around the face, increased heart rate, lashing out, craving for substances to relax you like alcohol or tobacco, yelling, feelings of guilt and resentment, screaming or crying, and unexplained anxiety - these are only few of the signs that you are angry, and you would do well to recognize them.
Anger comes because of many reasons. Most common is your notion of what should be, when compared to what is, are two different things. You may also be angry because of not only what your partner has or has not done, but also because of his or her intentions. You could also be a collector of the things that annoy you about your partner, gathering them together until the dam bursts.
First, what you perceive as ideal and reality ARE different. You cannot always have the perfect relationship, or the perfect partner, or the perfect life. You can strive for it, hope for the best, and expect the worst, instead. Now is a good time for a reality check - are your ideals too much to ask for, or does he really give you too little?
Second, intent is the hardest thing to prove because intent happens in your mind, and only you can make your intentions clear. The same goes for him. You cannot read minds, so do not assume intent. If it’s really bothering you not knowing what his intentions are, ask him. The answer might surprise you.
Lastly, everyone has their own little quirks and eccentricities - though admittedly, some have more than others. If you are starting to find that his funny habits are annoying you, ask him to stop, or look the other way.
Repressing your feelings of anger does not make it go away. In fact, it only makes things worse. You may end up projecting your anger in the worst ways, or worse, since you don’t acknowledge that it’s there, you won’t know what it is exactly that is making you angry. Acknowledge that you are angry first. Then, use your logic to conquer your anger, and realize that being angry will not solve any problems. Perhaps it will also either make the reason for your anger to go away, or bring it down to a manageable level.
Are You Depressed?
There are several signs of depression: changes in eating and sleeping habits, loss of interest, agitation or irritability, fatigue or loss of energy, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. These can often result in irrational acts: a drastic haircut, quitting your job, or moving to a different home, to say the least. Most of which are acts that say you want to get out of where you are. These can help you deal with your depression, but if left unchecked, may also lead to self-destruction - or worse!
Women are twice as likely to be depressed than men. You don’t have to deal with it alone; find someone you can talk to about why you are depressed, like a friend or a professional, depending on your cause of depression.
Learning about depression can also help you deal with depression. There are two classifications of depression - internal (within) and external (without). If, generally, the cause of your depression is internal, which means that though you can’t find anything outside of you that makes you happy, you also can’t find anything that depresses you as well. This type often calls for professional help because you may need medication to control it. External causes of depression - which means that you are a normally happy person, and there is something in your life that is making you feel sad - are somewhat easier to deal with because these are things you can change or things that you can deal with, with or without professional help.
Finding out why you're depressed is the hard part, and asking for an objective opinion from someone, preferably a professional is advised. One of the best cures for depression is hope, so always hope that something better will come out of the situation that you are in.