What Are You Proposing, Really?
Thinking about taking that big step and proposing to your honey? Make sure you know exactly what you are proposing...
by PaulaH
When Bobby Brown proposed to Whitney Houston, he gave her a "decoy" first - a 2-carat engagement ring. When she said her tearful and empathic "yes!", he gave her the real one - an eye-popping 15-carat ring. After one daughter together, endless rumors about drug use, and 14 rocky years of marriage, they got divorced.
In 1983, Denzel Washington picked up the telephone from a location shoot, called up Pauletta, and asked her to marry him. They have 5 children, renewed their vows in 1995, lived through divorce rumors, and are still married to this day.
No, it doesn't matter how you propose. You can bring her to the top of the Eiffel Tower when the moon is full, do it in a TV talk show, or just ask her matter of fact. What you should be more concerned about is whether or not you know what you are actually asking for. When you ask her "Will you marry me?", you are actually asking her these questions, too:
"Will you show your love for me and appreciate me?"
As many as 1 in 2.7 men will cheat without their spouse knowing about it. Of that number, 92% say that they cheated because they do not feel enough emotional connection with their spouse. If you don't like talking about your feelings, find a way to let her know that it will be nice to have an "unmanly" pat on the back once in a while.
"Do you promise not to spend our money without telling me?"
Marriage doesn't only bring you together, but all your properties as well. Absolute community of properties means that you will be sharing ALL that you have and will have. Conjugal partnership of gains means you will share everything earned after the marriage. Complete separation of properties means that you own what you own, and she owns what she owns. There are prenuptial agreements that will take care of this detail for you, and it doesn't hurt to do a little research.
"Do I have to help with the household chores?"
It's your house too, and she is not your maid. Maintaining your home in the state that you want it seems a mundane issue to fight about, but resentments can build up over mundane things. Don't wait for her to ask; you will make it seem it is her responsibility and she is only asking for you help.
"Can I still spend the night out with 'the boys'?"
Marriage is a life-changing experience in many ways. You will now have someone waiting for you to come home, but you do also need to unwind and have some fun. She may be able to understand why fun can happen without her, but try to avoid having fun while she is bored at home. Find a busy night for her, or better yet, organize a "girl's night out" at the same time as your night out.
"Will it kill you if I just look at other women?"
Monogamy can mean monotony. Exciting does not happen every day, and you may want to start looking for "something new", to spread your wings and fulfill the biological urge to procreate with multiple partners. But since you are not an animal relying solely on your instincts, you can control yourself.
"Do you promise not to kill me in my sleep if I leave the toothpaste cap off, or the toilet seat up?"
Since you will be dealing with feminine hygiene and little woman things everywhere in your house from now on, most women are amenable to compromise. Hopefully, she won't be using your razors to shave her legs in return for you not using her shampoo.
"Will you be asking me trick questions?"
Women have moods and insecurities, too, just like you. She probably will ask: "does this dress make me look fat?". Any answer will probably make her angry, anyway, so answer as truthfully and tactfully as you can.
If you're ready to hear the answers to all these questions (and then some) and think that you will probably like all her answers, then it could be time to buy that ring.