You Can Get Past the Heart Break

Most people have had their heart stomped on a time or two in their lives.  Most people have at times been the ones doing the stomping.  But the fact remains that heart break is not a fun thing to go through.  There are natural reactions to heart break.  Just as with a death, there is a grieving process that must be gone through in order to get on with your life.  This is natural and while it may hurt and seem like it will never end, it will end.  You will feel better someday.  However, you do need to go through the grieving process and not neat yourself up about having the feelings you do.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are the five stages of grieving according to the Kübler-Ross model, a widely accepted theory.  While this is most often applied to situations pertaining to death, it can also accurately be applied to grief due to heart break.  In the first stage you may think you have the possibility of getting back together.  Perhaps you call your ex and try to be friends but have ulterior motives.  You keep thinking to yourself, “what if I change” or “I can do better”. 

In the second stage you may have realized your ex is not jumping at the chance of getting back together with you no matter what changes or improvements you make.  How dare they?  You are a good person.  They must not be.  When you bargain perhaps you pray or make deals with yourself.  “If I can lose twenty pounds make her look at me again” or “I promise to always do the dishes if he would just call”.  Suddenly, when nothing is working and you still are not with the one you love, you get depressed.  Perhaps you have difficulty sleeping or eating.  Maybe you cry for periods at a time or are extremely moody.  Ride it out, it will pass.

Eventually, though, you will come to acceptance.  You know you are not getting back together.  You are even OK with that.  At some point you wonder what all the fuss was about in the first place.  Then you start to get control of your life back and are ready to move on and be happy.  You can do this all by yourself and don’t need anyone with you to help.  Once you are standing on your own and happy, you are likely to start dating again and have healed enough to open yourself up to the possibility of a new relationship.

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