Support for a Divorcee
We never envision our marriage ending in divorce so when it does we need a little support to help us through the trauma and emotional stress it can bring upon us...
by PaulaH
Nobody anticipates a separation or a divorce; one would not get into a relationship to begin with if they knew it wouldn’t last them a lifetime. Perhaps that’s why we hurt so much when we part ways after ten or fifteen years of togetherness. The end of your fairytale married life is always heartbreaking.
Sadly, it does not end there, after and during the divorce procedures, there are a number of issues one has to constantly deal with. There are issues involving hurt, betrayal, loneliness and blame; the issues regarding children, separation, lifestyle and finances to mention a few. The internal issues need a lot of emotional healing. Friends and family must be sought to talk, soothe and advise you at each step. You should grieve the death of your relationship just like you would grieve the death of a dear friend so it can release the tight bond of pain within. Doctors also advise crying or getting angry to accelerate the process of emotional healing.
It is also important to not isolate yourself from your loved ones and the world in general. Continue to go out and meet new people, watch movies and continue a hobby you gave up upon marriage. This helps you to get back the confidence of facing the world and readies you mentally for a new relationship on a clean slate. Since a majority of marriages are breaking up, a number of divorcees are out there on the dating scene, join them and you just may find a lover sooner than you thought.
Children can be a major issue if both parties begin fighting for their custody; the divorce can then become nightmarish. Try and not blame the spouse at every opportunity, making it easier for him will make this easier for you and the children. Talk to them about your decision to separate and answer their questions without getting into any details or negative comments about your spouse.
Another major divorcee issue is the finances. According to a survey, most women reported a drop of lifestyle by about 45 percent while men showed an increase by 15 percent. It is not really fair when women get the children’s custody and experience a higher expenditure as well. Most women who were stay at home moms have a difficult time finding a job that suits them while managing their children’s care. Alimony and child support must be sought through a good attorney to avoid being in debt.