Putting Divorce Behind You
If you've been through a recent divorce or even if a lot of time has passed, you know that giving closure to this part of your life can be difficult and often challenging.
Are you recently divorced? Do you still hang on to feelings of resentment, hurt and anger? All those feelings are perfectly natural immediately after a divorce and you do need to give yourself time to heal from it. However, if you continue to have these feelings long after you feel you should be over them, perhaps you have not yet had a sense of closure within your relationship. Closure puts a period at the end of the sentence and is the only real way to start the next one. In other words, without closure you can not start the grieving process. Without the grieving process you can not start to heal. Without healing you can not move on.
The first part of closure is to go through the divorce itself and to do it in a manner where all issues are resolved with finality. If you are in the midst of an amicable divorce and you are both tending to put decisions off, not put everything in writing or have a “we’ll just work that out” mentality, this may actually be harmful to you. If you are getting along so well then there is no reason why you can not take all the unresolved issues and come to some agreement. Hash out living arrangements, children’s issues and financial responsibilities. Even if you decide to compromise after the fact you still have a binding legal decision that must be abided.
When the divorce is final, this is one huge step on the path to closure. But, there may be feelings that you can still work it out or that you did the wrong thing. This feeling may be exacerbated if you have children together and your spouse is in your presence a lot. You can help alleviate this by being very matter of fact when it comes to dealing with the kids. Don’t sit down for coffee while the kids are off to visitation and chit chat. Instead, say what you need to and deal with the transference of the children quickly but politely.
Dating again or knowing your spouse is dating someone else can also bring a sense of closure. If you feel you are ready to date again, be sure you are and do not just do it to get even or get over your spouse. Closure can sometimes take time but it is a necessary step in the process. Keep in mind the divorce is over and everything is resolved. Then, take steps to grieve, heal and move on with your life apart from your spouse.