Intimacy Problems
3 Simple Tips for Dealing with Intimacy Problems in a Relationship
by PaulaH
The first date had been easy. The two of you have so much in common it was almost unnerving that you had not met each other sooner. You both are members of the country club. You dine at the same restaurants. You have membership to the same gym. When it comes to intimacy problems, however, the two of you are not on the same page. Heck, you may not even be on the same book! The moment you try to discuss delicate topics with him, he bolts out of the door so quick he leaves skid marks behind.
The good news is that it's not you; it's him. Studies show that when it comes to dealing with the intimacy problems in a relationship, two-thirds of men do not speak the language that women do. The remaining one-third refuse to discuss intimacy problems altogether! Clearly, there is an intimacy gap between the sexes. Can this gap be bridged? If so, how? Experts and counselors give a few simple tips that can help couples deal with intimacy problems proactively.
1. Talk.
This may sound simple but it's not. Talking about just anything is one thing; talking about the intimacy problems in a relationship is another. For example, have you ever faked orgasms? If so, have you ever told him why? For his part, does he ever explain why physical contact in public makes him queasy? Each time you hold his hand while his friends are around, he looks green around the gills and almost ready to throw up.
2. Make a date.
Sure, the two of you are a couple and yes, the two of you live together. But aside from living in the same house and sharing a bed and a kitchen, is there something else the two of you share? You may be pressed for time but don't forget to give your relationship and your significant other time. If you don't have time, make time! Set a date. Have lunch together. The more you bond, the easier it becomes to discuss uncomfortable topics.
3. Be creative.
Who says exploration is best left to adventurers? Create an intimacy tool box. Whether it's a real box or only a kit that exists in your head, tools are always handy. Ask McGyver. Ask any handyman. Tools break the ice, spark interest, and inspire you to dazzling heights of creativity. They need not be battery-operated, high-tech ones. Scented candles, massage oils, and even sexy lingerie count as tools so go ahead. Shop, stash up, and get intimate.
There will always be an intimacy gap between men and women but it's possible for these two to strike a middle ground. Moreover, rather than make this gap into a reason for estrangement, turn it into something positive instead. Celebrate the differences between your partner and you. Accept the fact that there is so much you can learn from each other. Most importantly, recognize that while too much love can kill you (as Freddie Mercury puts it), discussing intimacy problems won't.