Improve Your Communication Skills
Get him to talk - and improve your communication skills while you're at it!
by PaulaH
Almost all women want the same thing – for men to communicate the way we do. Well, that's probably as likely to happen as Elton John going straight, but it doesn't mean that there's no way around it.
Show and tell.
Men find it harder to communicate than little girls – that's a fact. This particular setback – or more accurately, characteristic – is even magnified many times over when there's strong emotion involved. Be that as it may, however, a relationship can't subsist on the Neanderthal grunts and monosyllables that men prefer to use in communication, so it's best to lead (not nag) him into more civilized territory.
The quickest way to get a man to communicate is to ask (again, not nag) him to talk. Men don't respond to subtleties very well, so getting straight to the point will always give you results. Be warned, however, that these results won't always be positive, especially with a particularly hard case – that is to say, a man who thinks that communication should be avoided like the plague. In this case, you have to lead by example.
You can never go wrong by showing him both sides of the communication process – listening and talking. Show him how to listen by maintaining eye contact as you talk. Pause at certain moments to give him the chance to ask questions and express his thoughts. Before long, he will know these cues on his own.
Showing him how to talk is a bit trickier. You have to look out for certain signals that may mean that there's something he wants to get off his chest. This could be anything from a broody silence to extra affection. Draw him out by letting him know that you're willing to listen if he wants to talk. Let him express himself on his own steam, and eventually, he'll realize that it is actually a positive thing to do.
Know YOUR bad habits – and break them!
Often, you might be so hell-bent on getting him to communicate that you may not realize that you're not doing such a good job on it yourself. When it comes to communication, men are easily turned off when they sense even the slightest bit of unrest, so if you do want to get your man to communicate, know what you shouldn't do:
- Don't make it all about you. It's not. Hear him out, as well.
- Don't be physically closed. It makes him feel rejected. Watch your body language. Uncross those arms and relax those legs.
- Don't interrupt him. It's very off-putting. Only speak when it's your turn to speak.
- Don't answer questions directed at him. You're trying to get him to communicate, not have a monologue with yourself.
Get your timing right.
There are times when communication isn't a very good idea. Forcing a conversation when either one of you is angry, drunk, tired, or irritable will inevitably take a turn for the worse. The most sensible thing is to wait. Agree to talk in a few hours, or even a few days, when you're both calm and rational.
Indeed, with a little prod in the right direction – as well as a bit of understanding – men can actually communicate better. It might never be the same easy rapport as your girl friends, but it could be close.